S.I.T.
Last time I mentioned that I regularly engage in being my own therapist. I never thought of what I do in this way until a good friend of mine pointed it out. This is the same friend that, when I asked her why she was so much better at handling things in her life than other people I know in similar circumstances, told me “I’ve been in therapy my whole life. In fact, I think everyone would benefit from being in therapy.” If she is an example of what therapy does for someone, then I have to agree with her. We were talking about having fears one day, probably about her fear of the dark, when I explained to her how I got myself over fears like that. She said it sounded like I was my own therapist, talking myself through things.
A couple of weeks ago I learned that there is a name for a major element of the therapy I do on myself—Intellectualization. Now I shall refer to it as Self Intellectualization Therapy or SIT. To be honest, intellectualization on its own is not really a good thing because it means a person is using facts, words, probabilities, and such to avoid feeling their feelings. Let me assure you that feelings will not go away if ignored or taped up in a cardboard box. What they will do is fester and get to smelling bad, and may even grow, like a tumor. You have to deal with your feelings whether they are anger, hatred, sadness, hurt, fear, compulsion, or even happiness. I say this because I have seen people intellectualize away even happy emotions like joy, love, and contentment.
Here is an example of SIT in action—I, too, have a tendency to be afraid of the dark. I think to some extent this is born into humans. Humans, in general, tend not to be nocturnal creatures. Years ago I started intellectualizing my fear of the dark. I would ask myself things like “‘How likely is it that of all the apartments in this town, a serial killer would choose to sneak into mine and hide under the bed or in the closet, or behind the shower curtain for HOURS, not knowing when I would return home?” Not very likely. Not impossible, but not likely.
Mind you I do not seek to totally eliminate my fear of the dark because some fear can be helpful for keeping you safe. At 3:40 Sunday morning I went outside with a flashlight and gathered up a chair and a stool to go sit out in the field to watch the meteor shower. The flashlight was because I wanted to be able to see and avoid any snakes that may be about. The chair and the stool were to keep me elevated off the ground so those nighttime insects and reptiles would not have direct access to me. Thankfully, my husband showed up, too, so we could converse and generally make noise, which discourages visits by other types of nocturnal animals. See? I retained enough fear to take some precautions, but not enough to keep me from seeing the meteor shower.
I am certainly not claiming SIT is foolproof, but it sure has freed me from lots of inhibiting or destructive patterns of thought and emotion. If you try it, be aware that it takes time and repetition. Like every other kind of therapy, it is not a “one and done” thing. I will leave you with something an actual therapist has left me with—be kind to yourself.