Hello San Saba loves, Patches here and I thought I would give you a whole new perspective on life. Instead of looking through Lindy’s window today, you guys will see the world through Patches’ vision so get ready for a little fun. Hey, you over there, you need to bend down a little more because you are still way too tall. I am like six inches off the ground and that is when I hold my long nose in the air as high as it will go! Okay, everyone ready?; let’s do this!Sleeping in a house with hardwood floors is great unless you actually sleep on a bed that rests directly on the floor. I love my mom but she is an insomniac and while she thinks she tip toes, let’s just say if she tip toed through the tulips a farmer would never need a tiller! Just as sound travels, movement on hardwood travels and as she “tip toes” a wave is created that eventually lifts me, bed and all, up until I am tumbled awake like a sock in the dryer! Inevitability, mom peeks around the corner and asks the same stupid question…”Oh Patches, you can’t sleep either?” I suppose it is a good thing my mom can read books but can’t read the look on my face because she would probably start believing in corporal punishment for the horrible things I am thinking. The last thing I want is a spanking from a woman who is so sleep deprived she actually thinks I am going to answer her! What is even worse is rather than taking my cue when I circle, tunnel under my blanket to go back to sleep, she turns on a light and wants to talk! Oh my gosh, can someone please contact the humane society and tell them torture is happening? Can we get in touch with someone from Animal Planet and have cameras set up in the house to capture this violence, please?I am nothing but reasonable just not at 1 a.m. and do I feel like telling anyone how my day is going when I haven’t even had one yet? Umm, the answer to that question is a resounding NO! They say misery loves company but I didn‘t get an invitation to her party, never asked to be included and quite frankly wish she would find other friends to invite. I tried playing dead one morning and I swear she came over to my bed and shook me to make sure I was still alive! Oh my gosh, doesn’t she know anything with a pulse sleeps when it is dark outside?Why doesn’t she ever go talk to Peepers? I would love to see her wake that Mountain Lion up from his restful sleep, ask him how his morning is going and be all cheerful to him at an ungodly hour! I would have to call in paramedics with their human patch kits to stop the bleeding and then she would have nurses to talk to at the hospital at 1 in the morning! I would actually wake up, build bleachers and sell hot dogs, just to see that!The last time we stayed in a hotel I brought home the Do Not Disturb sign and I hung it on my collar when I went to sleep but do you want to know what she said when she woke me up the next morning at 2 a.m.? She told me she loved my new ‘gangster’ look and thought it made me look like a big dog! Geesh, is the woman clueless or just a writer who is unable to read?? Oh well, it is nap time. I sleep during the day now anywhere and everywhere I can. I was out talking to my neighbor Charger the other day and fell asleep mid-bark and fell right into the chain link fence and stayed there with my nose stuck in a hole until dinner time. I love you all with all my heart and if any of you happen to be up in the middle of the night…call my mom and talk to her so she will stop talking to me I am tired, and we all know dog years add up faster than human years and she is stealing my time, my sanity and if it doesn‘t stop I might become a drooling, mumbling, bed wetter who actually starts answering her!