I told you guys about Harold buying a brand new kayak, right? Well ever since that day I have been placed in what seems to be an episode of Twilight Zone or a really bad remake of Tool Time with Harold playing Tim the tool guy! I am not telling you guys this to be telling tales, or as gossip or even to be complaining, nope, I am merely explaining the intrinsic differences of perspective between husbands and wives or more clearly…insanity and clarity of thinking, respectively!The very split second that kayak was unloaded into our garage the planning began to alter it from what it was to what Harold wanted it to become. He would sit on the couch with sketch pad in hand, pencil at the ready, tap his head with the eraser and squeeze his eyebrows together so tightly I thought the wrinkles could not be flattened by a steam roller! Here is the thing, I started to become convinced the man had rubbed his head with the end of that pencil a little too vigorously and erased his brain!Most often these things start off simply enough, he would just add rod holders in case he wanted to catch a fish or two while out enjoying a quiet day of paddling. The rod holders turned out well after a few dozen trips to the hardware store, four thousand exchanges for things that were the wrong size, a novel of words spoken to no one out in the garage because Harold talks to himself when he works, and PVC pipe shavings that resembled snow all over the garage floor but a happy Harold that lasted about a second and a half.He always calls me out to see his handy work and as I am telling him what a great job he has done I see that look in his eye…the I know what I will do next look that sparks fear in my heart. I am sorry if I do not understand this wish to alter things. I do not buy a toaster and then turn it into a reading lamp! I made the mistake of asking Harold if he had wanted a boat for fishing why then had he not purchased one rigged for it? You would have thought I asked him why he didn’t walk to the moon…as if it were not possible! The kayak no longer looks like a kayak, by the way. Oh, it is still orange and the sharks will still love the color but let‘s just say it could be used in a pirate movie. The sharks probably won’t eat it anymore or if they do they will be in for a big surprise because Harold has built outriggers for it. Hey, I just had a thought, they will be able to use the outriggers like toothpicks after their meal, even sharks must practice good dental hygiene. He tried to build his own pontoons by putting that spray foam into plastic water jugs but all he got was a goopy mess. He came inside looking like a kid who dropped his Lego’s down the toilet and flushed before realizing it…so disappointed. It isn’t a good project when one has to order something online and a delivery truck drops a finished product at your door step. Oh, has he used the kayak, you ask? Are you crazy? Do you want him to mess up all the hard work he has put into perfecting that beauty? You expect him to put that thing in the water, row it around, get it wet and get fish blood all over it?? Actually using the kayak is crazy talk! Everyone knows the fun is in the design, the planning, and the building! His next project, a condo for Patches, will be a 20 story walk-up dog house with no steps and no elevator. Don’t even ask…he mumbled something about a zip line and I don’t even want to know!He will have to build the dog house without using a pencil though, I repurposed them. They are now fencing for frogs out in my garden…looks lovely by the way and the PVC shavings make it look like Christmas! You know the saying…if you can’t beat them, change them, make them stop, then join them in their insanity and have a little fun too! I love you all with all my heart and for my next project I will be searching for the words to describe my padded cell! P.S. Patches caught wind of Harold’s plan and there are no sketch pads in the house either, before I did the garden, Patches drew up WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE posters of Harold on every sheet of paper in the house in case he actually tries to build the condo.