It appears I can’t let Harold out of the house on his own anymore without fear of his returning with something to either make me think he has lost his mind or make me want to lose what little is left of mine. He went on a shopping excursion to Killeen last week and came home with a kayak! The smile on his face was as bright as the orange missile protruding from the truck bed as he backed into the driveway.I have been reminded from time to time that I am a little tough on poor old Harold and I do not mean to be, really I don’t, but a kayak? Okay, let’s think about this for just a minute. We are talking about a man who puts cheese in the cabinet, me on the back porch, hands Patches the keys to the car, a grocery list and a hundred dollar bill and tells him not to forget to buy eggs! Do we really think a kayak is a safe place for that person?I get men and their toys and the whole Peter Pan syndrome. I understand the communing with nature and the need to feel one with the power of rough and tumble energy but if a person gets lost getting to a lake, how are they going to navigate it? How on earth is someone who cannot remember where he put his cell phone when he is talking on it, supposed to remember he is actually in a boat and not on land?The reason he picked the bright orange color didn’t make me feel any better. He said it was so he could easily be seen. Why? So you are not run over by other boats? So when you are hopelessly lost they can find you at night? Because when you are in Galveston sharks hate oranges? Or is it because when you turn upside down and are drowning you will look pretty?One thing he did do was buy a decent life jacket. He looked at cheap ones but noticed one already had holes in it and thought maybe he would have holes in him if he was wearing that in the water for any length of time. I guess maybe he realized they don’t call them LIFE jackets for nothing.I have innocuous hobbies, I write, paint, irritate people with my friendly cheerful personality and love to bake fattening food and then give it away. If I even look like I want to do something dangerous, Harold goes crazy and reminds of all the times I have been clumsy, fallen, hurt myself, cut myself, or had a near death experiences. I said not such a word to him.It isn’t that Harold doesn’t have experience on the water; he was in the Navy. However, he was on submarines and spent all his time under the water. Does he know kayaks are supposed to float on top of the water at all times? He also gets extremely hassled about things. Shawn and I call his episodes “mosquito coasting” like from the scary movie. He hasn’t even had any submarine contact in the last fifty years unless it has been in sandwich form!Oh well, there is little I can do about any of this now except hope no one hangs a big old catfish head on a fence one day that sports a bright orange smile and is wearing Harold’s glasses. Life isn’t lived without risks and no joy can be had without getting out there and jumping into the pool of I think I can. If you happen to live on the river and should see a bright orange kayak float by, please check to see if a dachshund is rowing and call me if there is…I’ll know Harold forgot to shut the gate again. I love you all with all my heart.