Hello my dear friends and I am banking on having friends out there because I am in so much trouble! When last we spoke I was typing from mom’s closet and she was waiting to have surgery on her ankle. She has since had the surgery, it went well and got to come home the very same day. In fact, she is doing so well that is the reason I am writing another article so soon because I am the one who is in dire straits now.

If you guys will recall when I was writing about mom having surgery I was very distraught and upset and I was using her closet to type my heart out to you guys. Well it seems I let my neurosis get the best of me and while all those awful thoughts floated around in my tender, loving soul, my mouth somehow was nervously chewing on pair after pair of my mom’s shoes. Oh the carnage!

When I discovered what I had done I tried to arrange things so the chewed parts faced the back of the closet, pushed the bits under stuff and nuzzled things over it all to try to hide the whole mess. I hate to admit to this but it even crossed my mind if she ended up losing her foot at the hospital she wouldn’t be needing half those shoes anyway. I hated myself for thinking such a thing, for doing what I had done but I knew upsetting mom before surgery was an even worse thing for me to do so when I returned to the living room and she asked me where I had been I just wagged my tail and gave her my sleepy eyed look.

I don’t know much about surgery but I had heard dad tell mom he was going to make sure she stayed in bed with her foot elevated for at least a week. Even though she was in the house, I knew she would have no reason to go to her closet because she keeps her pajamas in her dresser and would not need shoes in bed. Every time I would go in her room to say hello or to check on her, I would have trouble controlling my bladder when I would walk by the closet door. Once when I walked by it I swear the door took on the form of a looming monster and tried to attack me! Dad almost ruined everything, he was talking to mom and there was something on her desk and he asked her if she wanted him to put it in the closet! I was about to have a heart attack so I did the only thing I could think to do, I ran toward dad, lifted my leg on mom’s desk as if I was about to let loose and he screamed so loud I heard the windows rattle. We immediately went outside for a walk and the day was saved.

It was 10 a.m. eight days after mom’s surgery when she discovered her dead shoes. I will never forget the sound of her voice. There was no question in her voice, no calling out dad, Peepers, I’ve been vandalized, nope, just one name…PATCHES! I was in the living room lying quietly in my bed and I think all the black hairs I have instantly turned white for about a second and my heart stopped beating. My eyes were closed and I didn’t want to open them in case mom was standing over me with a meat clever in her hand. I was scared to move and scared not to…a moving target is more difficult to hit.

I had never seen mom so mad. Her voice took on a pitch only I could hear and it made my ears twitch. To my surprise she was suddenly holding her sides laughing and saying I looked hilarious and she couldn’t be mad at me anymore. Gosh, I love that woman but could you please tell me what dachshund shoes are? She says loves you all with all her heart. Just so you know, not a word of this except for the she loves you all part has been true, I just wanted to branch out into fiction writing. I am trying to grow up to be like my mom. I want to grow up to be something besides a hush puppy!