Well hello there people of San Saba! Patches here! It has been quite a time since I have used these old paws to type out a few words to you guys. How in the world have you guys been? I hope the New Year has started out in a grand fashion for everyone and winter hasn’t been too harsh for anyone. As for me, I have had to wear my sweaters a little too often, put myself on slow roast by the heater like a sausage in a pan so often mom was afraid I was going to catch fire and make my bed into a cave in order to get a decent night’s sleep but I guess that is part of being a small dog in winter. I did a happy dance when I started seeing the red breasted robins land in my backyard and I didn’t even mind when I saw them whispering to each other and knew they were talking about what a weirdo I am. Hey, they couldn’t say anything about me the squirrels haven’t already said a million times!
I have been trying to get used to being in the backyard again since my dear Una Mae passed away. I am a lot like my mom in some things and like my rituals and I sure loved seeing her come out on garbage days and to pick up stuff from her yard. I would run like crazy across the yard to the back fence to go say hello to her because she would always call me over. There never was a time she came out that she didn’t acknowledge me and I just loved that about her. Some of our human friends could step on me and treat me as if I was part of the floor but Una Mae talked to me as if I was part of her life and she made me feel so special…I will miss her so much!
I have been using my inside time over the winter wisely. You know how I would steal mom’s laptop to write every once in a while, well, I decided I had way too much to say to be happy doing that and so I started blogging every day. Mom thought my blogs were pretty funny and would post some of them on her Facebook page and people told her I should write a book and so that is exactly what I ended up doing. If you are wondering what on earth a dachshund has to blog about well all I can say is you should live in my house for about five seconds and you would know immediately. Life with my mom and dad can give a writer more material than a sewing warehouse! It is not only the things they do but what they don’t do. You have never seen the world until you see it from the perspective of two inches from the ground and from a non-human brain. Even the seemingly simple things can be so confusing.
People have been asking me if I am going to do book signings but we haven’t figured all that out yet or even been invited to do any. Mom just told me I could tell people here if they would like a copy I could include her email in this article and I will certainly do that. I have sold four books so far and I just got them a few days ago and mom told me I am doing better than she did when she wrote her novel. I told her it was not because I am a better writer but because I was cuter. Hey, don’t look at me that way…it is true, you should see the picture of me on the cover of the book, I am adorable! Truth is truth, people, and I am no liar.
Mom has a birthday coming up next week and I am so glad she doesn’t mind celebrating. Of course, we have to be careful with the candles because we can’t break the law about not having fires within the city limits. Maybe we can just put half the amount of candles and say each candle counts for two and call it good. Mom had to go to the doctor and I got a little confused by something, they gave her nitroglycerin, are they trying to blow her up? I know she talks a lot and can be really irritating but having her explode is a little extreme, don’t ya think? Couldn’t we just ask her to tone it down a bit? Well, I must go outside and help dad carve and make sure he doesn’t lose any fingers. If any of you want information about my book please email my mom at firstname.lastname@example.org I love you guys and until next time…